Family Law, Divorce, Custody and Child Support Attorneys in Colorado Springs, Colorado

The Unique Challenges Fathers Face in Family Law

While navigating through the legal system in a family law matter can be grueling for either party, fathers have their own unique challenges.   Having had the opportunity to represent fathers  in family law cases in Denver and Colorado Springs, I can appreciate the problems many of them must confront in a system that has not always appeared to be gender neutral.  Because of the situations many men find themselves in, it is always a good idea to talk to a family law attorney as early as possible, even if only to get some correct information in how to deal with the many issues men must confront.  Many men, however, suffer silently and then find themselves having to react to events that can, at least initially, compromise their rights as a father.

Although every case is different, an all too typical case is when a man comes to an attorney’s office once he has been served an Emergency Temporary Restraining Order.  This is Order comes about when the opposing party files an Emergency Petition in court without notice to the other side alleging that some threat or danger exists where she and/or the children need protection.   The Order has powerful remedies and can result, among other things, in the father not being able to see his children as well as his being kicked out of the home.  These Orders are often granted despite the severe remedies and lack of due process to the opposing party.  It is understandable that a judge would want to err on the side of caution; what if the one case presenting itself is the one case could turn out to be a horrible tragedy which could have been avoided with an issuance of Temporary Restraining Order.  While it is unequivocal that these Temporary Restraining Orders are essential in some cases, it does appear that some parties may use this very powerful tool as a way to gain an unfair advantage, especially when a divorce or other type of breakup appears imminent.

While the law does require the courts to conduct a full hearing soon after these Orders are entered which allows the man to tell his side of the story and to have the opposing party subject to cross-examination, by then he is in a more vulnerable position.   He has been out of the house and away from the children and often feels completely displaced and is trying to recover from the shock.  In my experience, within a reasonably short amount of time, I have been able to “undo” some of the damage that has occurred to bring things back to a level ground for the client; however, it is a source of stress and some expense that many clients would have preferred to avoid.

It would behoove fathers and men to come see a family law attorney at the very hint of domestic strife,  if only to get good information and to work on a proactive strategy with a legal representative that can  help them look forward and focus on what it most important.    Depending on what is going on in the household, men need to be wary of any disagreements or arguments that could lead to an allegation against them that could trigger a Temporary Restraining Order.   If the police are called, often men are not believed and then the wheels could be set in motion for a criminal or civil complaint that can put the father in an unfair advantage, causing further emotional and financial stress. 

Many law firms, such as ours, provide free consultations which can be worth their weight in gold.   By getting good legal counsel before things fall apart, a father can set up a workable strategy before any major problems unfold.  This will enable the father to focus on his child (ren) and other important matters without falling so readily into the raw emotions that often accompany this stressful period.   Once these systems are in place, the parties will have a workable structure to move forward in a healthier way for themselves and for their children.

The Unique Challenges Fathers Face in Family Law

Clients faced with parenting time issues often ask where the court’s loyalty lies when it comes to who gets custody – does the court favor mom or dad? Today, the term “”custody” has been replaced with “parenting time”, and it’s not just the terms that are changing with the times. Although fathers are often quick to raise a suspicious eyebrow, the answer is the same no matter who asks the question. Colorado Courts are remarkably gender-neutral, and the most important factors used to determine which parent is entitled to more parenting time really depend on each family’s specific facts.

Mothers may seem as though they have an advantage before the court in terms of parenting time because moms tend to be the primary caretaker in the household, especially in terms of caring for infants and younger children. However, having a stay-at-home mom is no longer the norm. In many Colorado homes, the economy has forced both parents into the workforce, or in the alternative, fathers are taking off their ties and pushing up their sleeves as stay-at-home dads.

So how does the court decide who gets how much parenting time? The standard the court uses, and which every parent should plant firmly in their head, is that of the best interest of the child. The court gives principal consideration to the child’s physical, mental and emotional needs. Courts also want to encourage frequent and continuing contact between each parent and the child.

By Colorado statute, the court considers a myriad of factors for establishing parenting time, including, but not limited to: the parents’ wishes, the child’s wishes, the child’s involvement with family, school and the community, the ability of the parents to encourage the sharing of love and affection between the child and the other parent, the health of the parents and the child, and which parent has primarily cared for the child in the past. Other factors the court will consider are whether one parent perpetrated spousal or child abuse, or abused drugs or alcohol.

The best parenting schedule really depends on each family’s particular situation. In a great many cases, splitting a child’s time equally between parents may be the best thing for a family going through a divorce. Depending on the proximity of each parent’s home, it may be in the child’s best interest to have portions of the week split between each parent, such as the child spending school nights at one parent’s home and weekend nights with the other parent. Splitting parenting time during the week gets significantly more difficult the farther apart parents live. That distance may warrant a parenting schedule where the child lives with one parent during the school year and the other parent during vacation time.

Whether parents are able to reach a parenting schedule negotiating and agreeing between themselves, or whether parents require a court to help make those decisions for them, each parent should understand that their children are not something to be won or lost in the divorce.

If you are considering a divorce or separation, consult a family law attorney experienced in parenting schedules to advise you as to what kind of plan would best suit your family’s needs.

Mother’s Rights and Parenting Time: Do Moms Have the Advantage in Colorado Courts?

So your divorce is final.  Now what?  Do you celebrate? Go on a vacation? Jump into dating? Hit the gym 7 days a week?

How about registering at Saks or Neiman Marcus for your post-decree reception gifts?

Following a divorce you  need emotional support and solid cooping mechanisms in place to start life over again – but you may also need a new toaster, iron, artwork, or a living room couch.  The economic realities are that new divorcees are likely to start with less than half of all the personal property, income and assets they had before the marriage deteriorated and will need to quickly re-acquire these items in order to sustain some degree of functionality or quality of life.

One novel way of reacquiring the personal property necessities is to have a divorce party, register yourself at a few local stores for the items you’ve lost in the divorce and send out invitations to all the family and friends who’ve been looking for a way to help support you.  Whether or not they’re able to attend your divorce party, these folks can help start you off on your new life.  Targeted generosity like this let you start over with the gifts you need and gives your support group a means to provide direct and useful help.  Be sure to hit up your lawyer for gifts too.

And while you’re asking for toasters, shower mats and picture frames, why not also ask for a year long gym membership, a few personal training sessions, or a month long membership to a local yoga studio?  Starting life over also means striking a new, and healthy, balance.  Start planning for the personal growth now.

The end of the divorce process is a conflicted time for most people.  It’s sad, scary, and final.  At the same time, many new divorcees also feel excited, reborn, and energized about a different kind of future.  This internal conflict is completely natural and originates from a fear of the unknown, something we all suffer from to one degree or another.  Recognizing that fear, embracing it, and choosing positive cooping mechanisms both during and after your divorce can help you move forward in a positive and sustainable way.

Are You Registered?

Several weeks ago, I attended a two-day training seminar about Collaborative Divorce. I didn’t know much about it except what I had heard outside the legal world. I remembered hearing the term in the movie “Juno” – that it is a divorce process that is “all the rage right now”. I also remembered hearing celebrity Robin Williams recently divorced his wife of 19 years through the collaborative divorce process. I knew collaborative divorce was considered an alternative to the nightmarish courtroom battle that most Americans think of when the subject turns to divorce.

As I soon found, many lawyers and people in the legal field believe collaborative divorce is not truly practicing law, or is a ‘soft approach’ to divorce. However, listening to experts of this budding field of family law, I found it to be an interesting, almost refreshing, alternative to the courtroom battles. In this process, the parties agree that they want to proceed with a collaborative divorce, and each retain a separate attorney trained in the collaborative divorce process. Both parties must agree that, if the collaboration fails, the parties will retain entirely new counsel and proceed with the traditional divorce process.

The beauty of collaborative divorce is this: the couple must work through their demons with trained professionals, such as professionals in mental health, child specialists, financial specialists and a mediator. This entirely open process gives each client the opportunity to address the issues most important to each of them. The parties are free to create their own solutions and can address issues that are most important to them, not just what a judge believes to be legally significant.

The collaborative divorce process has the potential to create healthier families post-divorce. The focus is on forward-thinking solutions, and the process can go as quickly or as slowly as the parties require. If children of the marriage exist, each parents’ concerns are addressed openly with the facilitation of child specialists, and parties have the opportunity to put the best possible paths in place for parental decision-making, responsibilities and scheduling.

The client’s attorney participates in a slightly different manner, but like both the traditional divorce process and the collaborative divorce process, the client’s attorney ensures the client is well-informed of their legal rights and the legal implications all decisions could have. Attorneys also assist their clients through this sometimes emotionally-taxing process by facilitating and encouraging solutions that the attorney can then draft into an agreement for the court. As difficult and uncomfortable as this process may seem, the end result is a divorce with better communication and understanding between the parties.

Who cares whether or not you can communicate with your ex? You should. Post-decree matters can be as expensive as the initial divorce, and the additional stress of combating your ex-spouse for years to come is not appealing to many – it’s like a never-ending divorce.

Its important to note that collaborative divorce isn’t for everyone. To determine if a collaborative divorce is right for you, contact a family law attorney trained in collaborative divorce.

Collaborative Divorce – Creating a Resolution that Works

Attorneys are contacted regularly regarding the procedure and cost of getting a divorce in Colorado.  However, clients often fail to consider the emotional, physical and mental impact the process has on them and their children.  The divorce and allocation of parenting rights and responsibilities processes are stressful in and of themselves.  Often times the conduct of parties during the processes can add unnecessary conflict and stress to their domestic case.

Courts attempt to shelter the parties from unnecessary stress by issuing an injunction restraining the parties from harassing, disturbing and maligning each other.  However, the parties often ignore the Court’s order.  Attorneys are left trying to enforce the Court orders through Motions for Contempt or alternative measures.  The proceedings for contempt are costly endeavors but are often the only adequate method to address alleged violations of the injunction, or any other Court order for that matter.  Contempt of court is a crime punishable by remedial or punitive damages in Colorado, including possible fines and imprisonment.

There are a number of factors which further complicate domestic cases including but not limited to:  financial disclosures, discovery, investigations, evaluations, therapy, and more.  Each comes with its own level of stress and complexity.  Too many times, clients are left choosing between their sanity and their real priorities because of the stressful process.

Perhaps the most disturbing issues arise when parties engage in negative or destructive behavior.  Examples of such behavior include conduct that the Court may deem vexatious or frivolous.  It is important to recognize that the court may award attorney’s fees and costs to parties who are forced to litigate vexatious or frivolous conduct.  Such conduct can include the filing of petty motions or delaying or interfering with the Court process.

It is important to prepare yourself for the stress that comes with any domestic case.  Clients who expect significant conflict or bad behavior can also expect additional stress.  The stress can often be unbearable.  Clients are often advised to seek individual therapy or take up stress relieving activities like exercise and personal hobbies.  There is significant data regarding the impact of divorce on families available here or on a host of other websites.  For more advice on addressing the impact in your specific situation, be certain to consult a professional.

The Stress of Divorce

Parties often hire a domestic relations attorney when communication between the parties has, to put it politely, ceased to be productive. One or both parties might hire attorneys to help them articulate their positions in a less emotionally-charged manner.

One thing many people might not think of when they hire an attorney to be their mouthpiece is that the client and the attorney must have open and clear communication between each other. It is absolutely necessary for the client to feel like they can tell their attorney exactly what they want and why they want it, without feeling like they need to conceal certain elements of the case.

The first meeting between a client and an attorney is an opportunity for the client to decide, “Can I easily communicate with this person without feeling intimidated and without feeling the need to ‘sweeten’ my story?” An attorney cannot effectively represent a client unless the client is willing and available to assist them in the case. Clients shouldn’t feel like they need to use legal jargon or lie about their position. Chances are, although your story is very unique to you, your situation is not new to the legal world, and your attorney has experience on a case similar to your own. An attorney’s job is to counsel his or her client to find out his or her needs and wants, and translate those needs and wants into a legal position that the client can stand behind.

In some cases, an attorney or a client might decide that they are not a good match, and much like any type of relationship, the pair must go their separate ways. Both parties need to clearly express their desire to end the relationship. Clients are sometimes worried about telling their attorney that they don’t wish to have them as their counsel anymore. As a client, you should know that you have every right to terminate your attorney /client relationship. However, attorneys may have duties that extend past the termination, which might include tasks such as drafting and filing documentation requesting permission from the Court to stop working on their client’s case.

The bottom line is that you should hire an attorney to whom you feel comfortable communicating your questions and concerns. Feeling like you want to hide from your own attorney puts additional stress on your already stressful situation! Your attorney will appreciate your participation and your willingness to articulate questions or concerns, and to alleviate any ambiguities between the two of you.

With any luck, you will choose an attorney who you feel comfortable with, who understands your position, and who talks to you in a way that you can comprehend. There is no reason why attorney/client relationships have to be any different than other personal relationships.

If you have a domestic relations issue, the initial consultation is a perfect opportunity for you to state your facts and decide if you feel comfortable moving forward with that attorney in what is undoubtedly one of the more stressful moments in your life.

Effective Communication Between You and Your Attorney

Remember the good old days when we all sent our letters by what is commonly known today as “snail mail?”  It was great.  You could get into a heated argument with someone, write them the nastiest letter in the world, sleep on it, wake up in the morning, and then decide, “Maybe its best if I don’t mail this.”

Today, quite a few of those steps are removed.  In fact, all of them are.  All that separates one from delivering that nasty-gram to the other party is that now proverbial “send” button.  After parents separate from eachother,   e-mail often becomes a primary mode of communication.  Unfortunately, people don’t stop to consider how their e-mails will look if presented to a Child and Family Investigator or a Judge.  I tell clients, before they hit that “send” button, they should picture their e-mail with a big “Exhibit” sticker on it and consider whether they will want to explain it later.  If one’s legal matter is contested, there is a large chance, if not a 100 percent chance, this e-mail will come back to bite the sender.  Even if the matter is resolved by settlement, those e-mails can still be used for posturing or to worsen one’s position in negotiations.

Although this may seem like a common sense thing to avoid, it happens all the time.  I believe this is true for two main reasons.  Reason number one: most people believe that, if they are arguing about something with their spouse,  significant other, ex, etc., then they are substantively in the right, and it does not matter who sees it.  In the heat of the moment, people do not stop to consider the emotions that may be clouding their judgment, and they do not stop to consider that, even if they are in the right, the way in which they deal with the conflict may be frowned upon as well.  Instead of sleeping on it and walking to the mail box, they hit the “send” button.

Reason number two: many of these e-mails are sent before litigation is anticipated, or during a stage when a person is mistakenly under the belief that he or she will be able to eventually “work things out” with the other party.  People often feel betrayed when the other party actually has the audacity to show their private communication to the court.  And so it goes that, whilst one expects the gloves won’t come off and maintains a false sense of security in dealing with a loved one, a stack of damaging evidence is created.  People end up looking at what they wrote and thinking, “Well, jee-wiz, I was just venting.  I didn’t really mean that.”  I cannot count the number of times new clients have come to me providing a stack of juicy e-mails to deal with.  The moral of this story is, if you don’t want to “CC” the Judge, don’t hit the “send” button.

E-mails as Exhibits, Think Before Hitting the “Send” Button

I came by this study the other day, and it really caught my eye.  In particular, the categories defined for a  “high-risk” dynamic between couples was telling.  I would estimate that nearly ninety percent  (90%) of clients who come to me seeking a divorce communicate that their marriage suffers from at least one of these high-risk dynamics.  If a couple realizes that one of these patterns is starting to form in their marriage, addressing it early on may be able to prevent a future divorce.  Bonnie Maslin, psychotherapist and author of “The Angry Marriage,” appeared on “The Early Show” to discuss this study.   Here is a link: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/08/06/earlyshow/health/health_news/main517731.shtml

New study predicts likelyhood of divorce

For years now, our firm has followed the health impacts of divorce on men and women and noted the disparity between the sexes.  See www.DivorceHealth.org.  Yet another new study study confirms our observation that the health of men and women is impacted in different ways.

In an article published in the New York Times today, (http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/men-more-likely-to-leave-spouse-with-cancer/?hp) we see that when men were diagnosed with cancer and became ill, only 3 percent experienced the end of a marriage. But among women patients, about 21 percent ended up separated or divorced.  The study was conducted by Dr. Michael J. Glantz of the University of Utah Huntsman Cancer Institute and colleagues from three other institutions who began to collect data on 515 patients diagnosed with brain tumors or multiple sclerosis from 2001 through 2006.

Women in Dr. Glantz’ study who were diagnosed with a serious illness were six times more likely to become separated or divorced than men with similar health problems.  One doctor in the study speculated that differences in male and female roles in the family might explain the trend. “There clearly is an emotional attachment women have to spouse, family and home that in times of stress causes women to hunker down and deal with it, while men may want to flee.”

Whatever the real reason for this disparity may be, we continue to argue that treating  men and women the same though the divorce process fails to address the clear fact that these clients have different needs, challenges and resources.  Recognizing these differences will serve all clients better.