Family Law, Divorce, Custody and Child Support Attorneys in Colorado Springs, Colorado

The Unique Challenges Fathers Face in Family Law

While navigating through the legal system in a family law matter can be grueling for either party, fathers have their own unique challenges.   Having had the opportunity to represent fathers  in family law cases in Denver and Colorado Springs, I can appreciate the problems many of them must confront in a system that has not always appeared to be gender neutral.  Because of the situations many men find themselves in, it is always a good idea to talk to a family law attorney as early as possible, even if only to get some correct information in how to deal with the many issues men must confront.  Many men, however, suffer silently and then find themselves having to react to events that can, at least initially, compromise their rights as a father.

Although every case is different, an all too typical case is when a man comes to an attorney’s office once he has been served an Emergency Temporary Restraining Order.  This is Order comes about when the opposing party files an Emergency Petition in court without notice to the other side alleging that some threat or danger exists where she and/or the children need protection.   The Order has powerful remedies and can result, among other things, in the father not being able to see his children as well as his being kicked out of the home.  These Orders are often granted despite the severe remedies and lack of due process to the opposing party.  It is understandable that a judge would want to err on the side of caution; what if the one case presenting itself is the one case could turn out to be a horrible tragedy which could have been avoided with an issuance of Temporary Restraining Order.  While it is unequivocal that these Temporary Restraining Orders are essential in some cases, it does appear that some parties may use this very powerful tool as a way to gain an unfair advantage, especially when a divorce or other type of breakup appears imminent.

While the law does require the courts to conduct a full hearing soon after these Orders are entered which allows the man to tell his side of the story and to have the opposing party subject to cross-examination, by then he is in a more vulnerable position.   He has been out of the house and away from the children and often feels completely displaced and is trying to recover from the shock.  In my experience, within a reasonably short amount of time, I have been able to “undo” some of the damage that has occurred to bring things back to a level ground for the client; however, it is a source of stress and some expense that many clients would have preferred to avoid.

It would behoove fathers and men to come see a family law attorney at the very hint of domestic strife,  if only to get good information and to work on a proactive strategy with a legal representative that can  help them look forward and focus on what it most important.    Depending on what is going on in the household, men need to be wary of any disagreements or arguments that could lead to an allegation against them that could trigger a Temporary Restraining Order.   If the police are called, often men are not believed and then the wheels could be set in motion for a criminal or civil complaint that can put the father in an unfair advantage, causing further emotional and financial stress. 

Many law firms, such as ours, provide free consultations which can be worth their weight in gold.   By getting good legal counsel before things fall apart, a father can set up a workable strategy before any major problems unfold.  This will enable the father to focus on his child (ren) and other important matters without falling so readily into the raw emotions that often accompany this stressful period.   Once these systems are in place, the parties will have a workable structure to move forward in a healthier way for themselves and for their children.

The Unique Challenges Fathers Face in Family Law

Negotiating and agreeing to a parenting plan can be an arduous task for everyone involved.  Once all of the parties involved have agreed on a schedule and plan that works, and that plan has been accepted by the court, it can be unpleasant to rock the boat if one party wants to relocate.  However, at some point, one or both parents may wish to relocate with the children because of a new job, a new spouse or simply a new beginning.

The first step should be to examine the location to where one parent wants to relocate.  It is important to have hard and specific facts about the job market, the housing market, the schools, and the church or community programs which would benefit the parties in the event such a move took place.  The court will likely only grant a relocation for the children if the move is in the child’s best interests, and if there is a reasonable, feasible way for the non-relocating parent to exercise his or her time with the children.  It is generally not a good idea to approach the court with vague and uncertain plans for a move.  If you are the parent thinking about relocating, determine the best place for you and your kids to go, and start gathering some facts about why a relocation will create a better life for your family.

Generally, taking the kids and moving to a new location without permission from the other parent is never a good idea. Courts generally frown on parents who remove children from the State of Colorado without first consulting the other parent, and if the parties have not agreed to a modified parenting plan, the non-relocating parent may demand that the children be returned to the state.  A Court may still determine that a future relocation is in the best interests of the children, but it is a good idea to either work out a new parenting plan with the other parent, or submit a motion for modification of the parenting plan and a motion to relocate to the Court before packing up and taking off.

If you or your other child’s parent is contemplating a relocation, it’s a good idea to contact a family law attorney familiar with the applicable statutes and case law to assist you in the process.

Life is About Making the Right Decisions and Moving On: What to do when one parent wants to relocate after a court-ordered parenting plan

In the majority of Colorado districts, the Court often orders a form of alternative dispute resolution before they will schedule a hearing on disputed issues. The most common form ordered is mediation. It can be a costly endeavor but if the parties’ are sincere about settling their disputed issues, it can be very productive. There are two primary concerns to addressed before scheduling mediation. First, who should be selected as a mediator? And second, what can I expect to accomplish through mediation?

In order to address these concerns, it may help to understand what mediation involves. Mediation generally includes deliberations that result in solutions that may or may not be accepted by the contending parties.  A mediator will often make recommendations regarding proposed solutions.  However, their recommendations are neither binding on the parties nor the Court.  Mediators will draft agreements regarding any resolved issues and once signed by both parties, become binding.

Often times a mediator will make recommendations based upon their experience and knowledge. For example, a mediator may have an opinion based upon their expectations regarding how a particular Court or even a particular judge may rule on a disputed issue. Accordingly, it is often very important to choose a mediator who has the requisite experience and familiarity with the type of issues in dispute, whether they involve domestic violence, substance abuse, financial or any other issues.

Often times parties believe that mediation will be a futile endeavor. However, while the parties may be pessimistic about the outcome of mediation, there are some benefits to participation. For example, everything discussed with a mediator or with opposing parties during mediation is strictly confidential. Accordingly, a mediator generally cannot be called as a witness in a subsequent hearing. Therefore, the parties are able to speak openly and honestly about their concerns. In addition, the parties often become much more familiar with what the opposing party is looking for. Therefore, even though a resolution may not be reached, mediation often helps the parties determine the range of options to resolve disputed issues. Ultimately the parties may settle somewhere in the middle of the range or alternatively become more prepared to focus on the range in a subsequent contested hearing.

Family law attorneys work with a variety of mediators all over the state. Mediators are often practicing attorneys, retired judges, medical doctors, mental health or other types of professionals. Depending on the complexity of the issues, it is important to pick a professional with specific expertise regarding the disputed issues. While not true in every situation, often more expensive mediators help the parties resolve more issues. As Court dockets become increasingly overwhelmed, mediation is a very likely endeavor in all divorces to eliminate some of the burden on the Court.

Mediation & Divorce

Several jurisdictions recognize parental alienation by another parent as an actual, and diagnosable issue.  In those jurisdictions, it is weighed heavily because the Court recognizes the susceptibility of children to the influences of a parent. 

While Courts look at the relationship between the parties when making determinations about parenting time exchanges, as well as in regards to making determinations about decision-making authority, Courts are more interested in the quality of the relationship between the child and each parent.  This is why parental alienation is so effective, and so dangerous.  With a child of any age, from two to eighteen, children are impressionable and so very often, the lawyers at the Johnson Sauer Legal Group, L.L.C. hear stories about children intervening in telling one parent or another that they want less time. 

Often, we see that it is the primary parent, the parent with the majority of time, who uses techniques of parental alienation on a regular basis to push the other parent further away.  This is a danger because parents recognize it, child and family investigators recognize it, and Courts recognize it.  The standard that the Court uses for determination of parenting time is the best interests of the child.  When one party is alienating the child from the other parent, Court’s will find that such behavior is not in the best interests of the minor child and this type of behavior should be avoided as much as possible.

Parental Alienation

Remember the good old days when we all sent our letters by what is commonly known today as “snail mail?”  It was great.  You could get into a heated argument with someone, write them the nastiest letter in the world, sleep on it, wake up in the morning, and then decide, “Maybe its best if I don’t mail this.”

Today, quite a few of those steps are removed.  In fact, all of them are.  All that separates one from delivering that nasty-gram to the other party is that now proverbial “send” button.  After parents separate from eachother,   e-mail often becomes a primary mode of communication.  Unfortunately, people don’t stop to consider how their e-mails will look if presented to a Child and Family Investigator or a Judge.  I tell clients, before they hit that “send” button, they should picture their e-mail with a big “Exhibit” sticker on it and consider whether they will want to explain it later.  If one’s legal matter is contested, there is a large chance, if not a 100 percent chance, this e-mail will come back to bite the sender.  Even if the matter is resolved by settlement, those e-mails can still be used for posturing or to worsen one’s position in negotiations.

Although this may seem like a common sense thing to avoid, it happens all the time.  I believe this is true for two main reasons.  Reason number one: most people believe that, if they are arguing about something with their spouse,  significant other, ex, etc., then they are substantively in the right, and it does not matter who sees it.  In the heat of the moment, people do not stop to consider the emotions that may be clouding their judgment, and they do not stop to consider that, even if they are in the right, the way in which they deal with the conflict may be frowned upon as well.  Instead of sleeping on it and walking to the mail box, they hit the “send” button.

Reason number two: many of these e-mails are sent before litigation is anticipated, or during a stage when a person is mistakenly under the belief that he or she will be able to eventually “work things out” with the other party.  People often feel betrayed when the other party actually has the audacity to show their private communication to the court.  And so it goes that, whilst one expects the gloves won’t come off and maintains a false sense of security in dealing with a loved one, a stack of damaging evidence is created.  People end up looking at what they wrote and thinking, “Well, jee-wiz, I was just venting.  I didn’t really mean that.”  I cannot count the number of times new clients have come to me providing a stack of juicy e-mails to deal with.  The moral of this story is, if you don’t want to “CC” the Judge, don’t hit the “send” button.

E-mails as Exhibits, Think Before Hitting the “Send” Button

As we all know, the winter holidays sneak up on us quickly.  That is why it is so important to consider your plans with children early.  Very often, we run into situations where clients and prospective clients contact our office at the last minute regarding disputes over holiday parenting time.  Here are a few tips about how to avoid rather heated arguments with your child’s other parent:

1.      Have a parenting schedule in place that assigns holiday parenting time to one or the other parent:  Oftentimes, parents want to agree with one another that they will decide holiday parenting time on a case by case basis.  This is not a good idea.  If you have no Court Order which grants specific parenting rights to each party, and then you cannot reach agreements, there is nothing for either party to fall back on and to rely on.  It is important to remember that you can agree to deviate from the Court Orders by mutual agreement, but the problems arise when the parties do not have agreements.  Therefore, you need to address holiday parenting schedules in any agreements that you reach with the other side.

2.      Do not wait to resolve issues:  If you are expecting to travel with the children during the holiday, do not procrastinate.  The sooner that you can address these issues, the better off you will be.  Additionally, Courts are busy.  It takes a long time to get into Court, so if you cannot reach an agreement with the other parent, you need a lot of time to get a hearing.  More and more often, Courts are deciding that holiday parenting time disputes do not warrant a forthwith or emergency hearing.  Therefore, if you are planning to travel next year for the holidays, you might want to think about getting the process with the Court started now.  Unfortunately, it is probably too late for the Court to help you this year.

3.      Remember that holidays are important to the other parent too:  The holidays are an important time for many.  Here in Colorado, the Courts will likely decide that both parents should have a right to share this important time of year with the children.  Your extended family will understand if the children cannot travel all over the county every year to be with one another, so remember that your children likely need to have a relationship with both sides of the family, especially during the holidays. 

These are just a few points to get started with.  But the most important thing to remember is that you need to start early.  The holidays should be a fun and happy time of year for children, so it is best to do what you can to make sure that they are. 

Holiday Parenting Time

All too frequently, I see parents in a situation where the kids have been moved without notice.  One parent unilaterally decides to up and move in the middle of the night, without consent, planning or consultation with the other parent.

Unfortunately for the kids, the law treats this situation differently, not based on the needs of the kids, but the nature of the relationship between the parents and the status of any lawsuit between them.  In some instances, a parent may be able to rush into court and get an Order for their return, the sheriffs can be called out to help, or an Amber Alert issued.  In other circumstances, it’s just tough luck for the kids.  I call this the “Family Law Doughnut Hole”.

The disparity in protections is simply unfair for the kids.  They don’t know – or care – what the status of any lawsuit maybe.  From their perspective, it doesn’t matter whether this is done in the context of a divorce or an Allocation for Parental Rights.  They don’t have any influence on the automatic provisions of an injunction.

Yet we all know that it’s a bad decision to make these midnight moves because of the significant impact they may have on the well-being of the children.  There are clearly circumstances where safety is paramount and the kids must be removed from a dangerous situation in the home, but it is all too common that these midnight moves are triggered by emotions between the parties, with no consideration for the kids. These moves rip the kids from their schools, take them away from their friends, and complete disrupt the child’s community.

If and when theses events happen, it is critical to get the advice of an experienced family law attorney.  The law in this area changes frequently and each jurisdiction handles emergency situations differently.  Time is of the essence – don’t wait to act.

Midnight Moves – Family Law Doughnut Hole

A recent case in New Hampshire highlights the difficulty for family law courts when parents disagree about their child’s education. In the New Hampshire case, the mother wanted their daughter to continue homeschooling with her, while the father wanted his daughter to begin public education. That court held that based on the circumstances, and this little girls academic needs, she should start school at the local public school.

When Colorado parents with joint decision making responsibility can’t agree, eventually a family law judge may be called upon to decide where a child should attend school. The judge will listen to all the facts the parties put in front of her and make a ruling based on what she believes to be in the best interests of the child.