Family Law, Divorce, Custody and Child Support Attorneys in Colorado Springs, Colorado

E-mails as Exhibits, Think Before Hitting the “Send” Button

Remember the good old days when we all sent our letters by what is commonly known today as “snail mail?”  It was great.  You could get into a heated argument with someone, write them the nastiest letter in the world, sleep on it, wake up in the morning, and then decide, “Maybe its best if I don’t mail this.”

Today, quite a few of those steps are removed.  In fact, all of them are.  All that separates one from delivering that nasty-gram to the other party is that now proverbial “send” button.  After parents separate from eachother,   e-mail often becomes a primary mode of communication.  Unfortunately, people don’t stop to consider how their e-mails will look if presented to a Child and Family Investigator or a Judge.  I tell clients, before they hit that “send” button, they should picture their e-mail with a big “Exhibit” sticker on it and consider whether they will want to explain it later.  If one’s legal matter is contested, there is a large chance, if not a 100 percent chance, this e-mail will come back to bite the sender.  Even if the matter is resolved by settlement, those e-mails can still be used for posturing or to worsen one’s position in negotiations.

Although this may seem like a common sense thing to avoid, it happens all the time.  I believe this is true for two main reasons.  Reason number one: most people believe that, if they are arguing about something with their spouse,  significant other, ex, etc., then they are substantively in the right, and it does not matter who sees it.  In the heat of the moment, people do not stop to consider the emotions that may be clouding their judgment, and they do not stop to consider that, even if they are in the right, the way in which they deal with the conflict may be frowned upon as well.  Instead of sleeping on it and walking to the mail box, they hit the “send” button.

Reason number two: many of these e-mails are sent before litigation is anticipated, or during a stage when a person is mistakenly under the belief that he or she will be able to eventually “work things out” with the other party.  People often feel betrayed when the other party actually has the audacity to show their private communication to the court.  And so it goes that, whilst one expects the gloves won’t come off and maintains a false sense of security in dealing with a loved one, a stack of damaging evidence is created.  People end up looking at what they wrote and thinking, “Well, jee-wiz, I was just venting.  I didn’t really mean that.”  I cannot count the number of times new clients have come to me providing a stack of juicy e-mails to deal with.  The moral of this story is, if you don’t want to “CC” the Judge, don’t hit the “send” button.