Family Law, Divorce, Custody and Child Support Attorneys in Colorado Springs, Colorado

The Trouble With Transfers

A transfer is the drop-off, pick-up part of the schedule. It can be a huge source of conflict which is made even worse by the fact that the children are always present. The kids watch these transfers very carefully to help figure out how they should feel. If there’s conflict, or even just a lack of civility, you can be sure it’s hard on the kids.

Imagine how the kids feel during a transfer. In some cases, the tension is extreme. They see the two most important people in their lives, people who they love and trust, in varying degrees of conflict. They want to comfort each parent. And they want to be sure they’re still loved, even if the other parent isn’t.

That’s why we often, but not always, minimize the number of transfers and aim for transfers at school. One parents drops them off in the morning and the other picks them up in the afternoon. It’s not ideal, but at least there’s a lower risk of the kids being put into an intolerable situation.

Ideally, what would be best for the kids during a transfer, would be to see their two parents being nice to each other, maybe even supportive. Imagine how they would feel if it was okay to love both parents at the same time.

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Suggestions for Transfers

The following are just suggestions for goals during transfers and we fully recognize that very good parents, who are at very hard stages in life, may find these goals beyond their reach. However, it never hurts to know where you’d like to end up. So here are a few things we feel you can do to minimize the trouble with transfers:

• Be excited for the kids about going to the other parent’s house
• Say a few positive things about the other parent just prior to the transfer
• Let the kids know the other parent is excited to see them
• Always say hello to the other parent
• Be very conscious of your tone
• Never raise issues that may result in conflict while the kids are present
• Tell the kids to have a great time with the other parent

Essentially, what you are communicating to the child is that it’s okay if they love the other parent too. Remember, you and the other parent are the most important people in their lives and the source of all their support.

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